May 2010
1 post
1 tag
Please?
Hello, rich client! A private jet? Must be nice. Give me a free ride.
May 4th
1 note
April 2010
30 posts
1 tag
Woot!
We’ve come to that point. One hundred followers and as many haikus! (Yay!)
Apr 29th
3 tags
Tempted
Am I THAT hungry? Could I eat a Double Down? Ugh, I hate myself. 
Apr 29th
1 note
2 tags
This Just Happened
Hey Vanilla Butt You wanna party tonight? I got Hennessey
Apr 29th
1 note
2 tags
Danger
Took life in own hands Prepared for epic revenge Ate at White Castle
Apr 29th
1 tag
In Response to Peen Douse
Gotta douse the vaj We Need to wash you off too Use cottonelle wipe
Apr 28th
2 tags
Sad Face
No Scenes From the Next One more week with no answers Lost will never change
Apr 27th
2 tags
Seacrest, Out!
Shania Twain songs Feel like a woman, Big Mike? Aaron Kelly Might
Apr 27th
Recommendation Tuesday!!
It’s that time again Recommend your favorite (Only if it’s ours…)
Apr 27th
1 note
Peen Douse
Dry crusty morning. Really, unprotected sex? Damn no hot water.
Apr 22nd
3 notes
2 tags
Do you pachanga?
You know who you are A Craigslist missed connection Dancing the mambo.
Apr 22nd
Support your favorite Haiku-sters!
Recommend Haiku My Life!
Apr 20th
1 note
1 tag
Gift that keeps on giving
secretary’s day edible arrangement gift hope you get the shits
Apr 20th
4 tags
The Goblin King
Tight pants and fab hair, Bowie knows how to sparkle. Labyrinth fuck yeah! 
Apr 20th
4 tags
Merging Networks Hate My Freedom
Melrose Place revived One Tree Hill. C-dubs, really? Somewhere Buffy laughs
Apr 20th
4 tags
A Princely Journey
Find True Love in Queens The Royal Penis is Clean Sexual Chocolate
Apr 20th
5 tags
Ode to John Cusack
I gave her my heart… Giant dolphin with rabies Hot Tub Time Machine
Apr 20th
1 note
1 tag
Submit a Haiku!
We here at HML are trying something new. Every week, we will suggest a theme for a haiku and we would love to see what you guys can come up with! This week’s topic: 80’s movies…haiku!  You can submit via email or http://haikumylife.tumblr.com/submit
Apr 20th
Thank You, Rachel!
Feel you on my lips The taste of summer passion Pachanga Lip Gloss
Apr 19th
1 tag
Self Explanatory
Should have stayed in bed My day went from bad to worse Worthless reporter. (follower submission)
Apr 12th
1 note
3 tags
Chicken as Bread
Oh my, KFC Double Down? Shakin’ my Head Fine, I will try it.
Apr 12th
2 tags
Mmhm, girlfriend.
Need to dance all night Recovering from weekend Sweatin’ my perm out
Apr 12th
3 notes
2 tags
B-day wishes
You are not Joan Jett Maybe time to cut that hair? Happy Kstew day
Apr 9th
2 tags
Spoiler Alert
Is Sayid crazy? Desmond back on the island. What does it all mean?!?
Apr 9th
1 tag
Easter
Hold with two fingers all goes in my mouth at once mini cream egg, joy!
Apr 9th
1 tag
Justified 2.0
Porcelain veneers improve kentucky accent kinda turn me off
Apr 9th
2 tags
Tumblr Wars
ugh, haik u glenn beck these poems are far from funny haikumylife wins!
Apr 9th
2 tags
Justified
Hooked on a new show Hi, Timothy Olyphant What is with the teeth?
Apr 9th
2 tags
Chatroulette
Rapid fire next I want Cobra Commander All I get is dick.
Apr 9th
Egomaniac.
Well, that was awkward Just say “not interested” What a big pussy
Apr 7th
1 note
New material
Nothing to haiku? I’m sure I’ll think of something. Looked like Spiderman.
Apr 2nd
March 2010
2 posts
1 tag
You are not my Idol.
Ugh. You don’t sound good Fetal Alcohol Syndrome Hi, Katie Stevens
Mar 10th
fuckyeahrandyswatch.tumblr.com
You are a true star you command the Idol stage you are randy’s watch
Mar 9th
February 2010
20 posts
Going for the Gold
Oh, Olympic Flame You glow so bright and so strong Ooops, that’s Johnny Weir.
Feb 17th
1 tag
Boys. Ugh.
Yes, I got the hint. But you could have been a man and simply told me.
Feb 16th
This is how we do it.
Sitting in Tierney’s With cupcakes and buck hunter Monday afternoon
Feb 15th
1 tag
The Commute
I hate route fifteen People get dumb when driving Get out of fast lane
Feb 12th
1 tag
Martha's mom responds.
This is your mother I brought you into this world I can take you out
Feb 9th
Do you need me to talk to her?
The house was quiet. Then she came in complaining. Brian, end it now.
Feb 7th
Egomaniac.
The movie was good. Tom Ford is self-indulgent. His clothes are sexy.
Feb 7th
Movie with mom.
Saw A Single Man. Colin Firth, a woman’s dream. My mom is pregnant.
Feb 7th
Yes, Chef.
oops, now i’m pregnant not from unprotected sex watched Kitchen Nightmares
Feb 6th
Come on, Brian.
The constant fighting all she does is fucking nag punch her already
Feb 5th
1 note
Book face
not friends in real life why do you facebook friend me? hated you in school
Feb 5th
1 note
Laundry
It’s all fresh and clean In crumpled pile on bed Probably for days
Feb 5th
Ugh.
Kate’s in the kitchen Hm. It sounds like she’s choking Why couldn’t she die?
Feb 5th
End of an era
Signed lease. One bedroom. Farewell to Brian and Kate. Go fuck yourselves. Hard.
Feb 5th
keg's kicked
dry, sore, tired, yuck cigarette apartment smell oasis needed
Feb 3rd
Tuesday Night
Idol Versus Lost DVR don’t fail me now Worse than Sophie’s Choice
Feb 2nd
Snack Time
Cool Ranch Doritos Eaten an hour ago Smell and Taste linger
Feb 2nd
1 note